Sorry Its Been Awhile...

Sorry its been so long since i've updated. Bentleys early interventionist came Friday. Bentleys exactly a month and a half old and on a month olds level. They said that he needs to work on his head movements. Oh...also we found out that Bentley is in love with the bell that they ring for him to try and find :) So i'm in the process of hunting him one.

Bentley had a stomach bug last week so Dr. Cerjan gave him soy milk and Bentley loved it!! But I had to take him back off of it cause hes constipated...poor baby :(

William & I spent the weekend together and we found Bentley his easter outfit & now we have to find his little dress shoes which is hard for a baby that wears a 0. His outfit is sooo cute! I'm going to have his pictures taken for Easter & I can't wait. Oh & he weighs 9lbs now & is 21 inches long. My baby is growing up so fast!! It seems like just yesterday he was born. Well I guess for now I'll go, little man is sleeping and I have to sleep when he does :)

heres a picture from when we were still in the hospital

3/21 World Down Syndrome Day

I remember when I was younger seeing people with Down Syndrome. Never would I have thought that my little boy would have it. I never really knew a whole lot about it but I am learning more and more.

I'm not ashamed to say that Bentley has Down Syndrome. I realize he is just like everybody else!

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!!

My Heart, My Soul, My Life!!

<3

I'm not lucky; I'm Blessed--YES!!

Sorry its been a few days since I've updated!!

Bentley has been having a big change in his sleep patterns for a few days, one day he was awake all day and hardly slept at all. The next day he was fussy and would sleep a few mins and wake up. But today hes slept all most all day. Hes also been smiling a lot more! I realize Friday night that I am blessed beyond words. With a gorgeous new baby boy, and an amazing boyfriend thats stood by me for the past few months even though there was so many emotions, drama, and ups and downs!! My sisters took some new pictures of Bentley! And I am so excited. I'm finally starting to get a little bit of help from the government and can buy Bentley things myself!! I can't wait for Easter this year!!

Mommys Little Man

3/18/2011

Mommys Little Man...

Today has been a long day. Bentley had a shot yesterday at the Dr. and has been fussy all day. We went and saw his Aunt Dana and his cousin Haidyn. Bentleys snoozing now, so I have a little bit of time to blog.

My heart breaks for Bentley, and it hurts so bad. I know he has Down Syndrome. Sometimes I believe it, and sometimes I don't. Its like sometimes it hits me and sometimes I'm just like no way, not Bentley. I have no idea what he will go through in life, but I'll make it as good for him as I possibly can. I'm scared that one day Bentley will get made fun of, which I know with the world being as cruel as it is, it will happen. People just don't take the time to find out who a person is outside of their looks. Bentley is gorgeous inside and out and I know he will stay that way. People really don't know how to act when you tell them your child has Down Syndrome. I had to take him to the emergency 2 weeks ago, and the nurse asks me if he had any medical problems? I told her he has Down Syndrome and she said your lying. I said no, he has Down Syndrome. And she just refused to believe me pretty much. She said your too young, he doesn't look like he has Down Syndrome. It hurt my feelings none the less, to make it seem like I would make up that he has D.S.. Its crazy how one little thing in your childs body can cause so many different things, and hurt them so much both physically and emotionally. I didn't ask for Bentley to be born with Down Syndrome. It was a complete and utter shock to me.

I read where more and more babies are being born with Down Syndrome, but almost 70% of them are terminated when the mother finds out while she is pregnant. I mean really?? How could you abort your own child...period. I look at Bentley and wonder how somebody could not love their own child, how they couldn't want them. I also heard Down Syndrome referred to as a disease. No its not a disease its a Genetic Disorder. Something no one has control over.

I think everything with Bentley has made me get more in touch with my religious side. I've been thinking about going to church, I'm just not sure where. I don't want to have to answer questions. I'm not ashamed of Bentley in any way. He's my pride and joy and has my whole heart and all my love.

Its A Shame You Don't Know What Your Running From...

This is more of a personal issue, but I have to get it off my chest and out of my mind. Bentleys biological father Chris, really makes me think. And I mean think hard to the point of tears. We have done our fair share of talking crap about each other but once I had Bentley I just wondered why I was wasting my time. He saw Bentley everyday while we were in the hospital and I wondered if he was actually going to be there like he claimed after he left me. (He stopped checking on Bentley after we seperated.) I saw the look on his face the first time he looked at Bentley and he said Oh my God in this low voice. I mean look at the picture about of the first time he held him And I'm sure Bentley took his breathe away, and knowing Chris he probably had a few tears he doesn't tell anyone about. (You know guys won't admit they cried.) I have given him chance after chance after chance to see Bentley, to spend time with him, but its like he doesn't want too. But I wonder does he want to and somebody is stopping him?!?! I would love to know if that was the case because trust and believe me and this person would have a few words to exchange. Like he says hes tired of kissing my butt, okay. Well I don't want you kissing my butt, you treat me how you want to, all I want is Bentley to know who he is. Is that really too much to ask? IS IT?!?!  When the Dr. told me and Chris I was pregnant, Chris told the Dr. he made him the happiest guy in the world. What happened to being happy about Bentley?! On another note, he recently found out his new girlfriend/fiance whatever they like to call each other is pregnant. She got pregnant before Bentley was born. It makes me wonder why Bentley wasn't even in this world and he just wasn't good enough for his father, already?! Why? How do I explain to Bentley that he just wasn't good enough for Chris. My heart dreads the day I have to explain to Bentley the situation or try to at least. Some people would kill to have a baby, and my heart hurts for them. & then theres people that have them and don't care. I wonder if Chris will ever step up and not just one day out of the month. Bentley doesn't need a come and goer. I just wonder what runs through his mind. We use to be able to tell each other everything, now I get nothing, I think Bentley at least deserves answers. He seems so happy around Bentley and he acts like he wants to be there, but what is in the way of it? Like I've told him, when nobody else is there for you, and when it seems like nobody loves you, Bentley does and he'll be there, and if he gave Bentley the chance, he'd know true happiness, and true love that not going to come and go. & that doesn't come from a girl that won't let you have nothing to do with your son and is jealous of him. Actions speak louder than words. Oh well today, I'm washing my hand of him.

On another note, William is great with Bentley and would do anything for him and has proved that, multiple times. Will was there my whole hospital stay, helped with Bentley and it seems great to have him as a Daddy for Bentley. At first I was iffy about calling Will, Daddy to Bentley, but either way, one day Bentley is going to know who was there for him since the day he entered this world. & Thats Been William. William is Bentleys Daddy &hearts; any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy. & I thank God for him everyday that he gives me with Will and Bentley. <3

Bentleys One Month Well Checkup

Today started off pretty good. I woke up early this morning and just layed there and watched Bentley sleep. He looks so peaceful when he is asleep. I wish I could sleep like that. And he sleeps through almost anything. Most new moms would love it when their new baby gives them a little break and goes to sleep. But I love, seeing Bentley awake. I love looking into his big beautiful eyes knowing, that for as long as God allows me, I'll be looking into Bentleys eyes, which I like to think will be forever. He just has a little twinkle in them & their so big I could get lost in them forever. Bentley started early intervention this morning, even though we just did paper work today, the lady was extremely nice and I can't wait to see how much progress he will make when he gets started.

Bentley also had a Drs. appointment for his one month well checkup. Yes!! A month, it seems like yesterday, I was in the hospital with my new little bundle of joy. He weighed 8lb 8oz. today and was 20 3/4 inches long! He is getting so big!! Well in my eyes anyways. Dr. Cerjan said he is a little small for his age, but it will be okay. We'll just watch him and see how he progresses. He also got his 2nd vaccine for heppatitis b. And it completely broke my heart! At first he was laying there being the happy little baby that he is & then the nurse sticks the shot in his leg he looks at me and lets out this unimaginable screams, turns blood red, and held his breath, and then cried. Cried like I had never hear him cry before. I just held him and rocked him until he stopped. And those little crocodile tears that he has, just makes it worse!

I love him more than I ever thought possible and I know that will never change. I love it when he look at me and grabs hold of my finger, it just makes my heart melt. Hes even started to grin a little bit and what a cute little grin it is!! Mommy loves you Bentley Dean!!

Now Bentley is just snoozing away, & I'm pretty sure he'll sleep good tonite cause he has had a long day.

I'll leave you guys with this poem that I was given about down syndrome.

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” ” Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely hings …about Holland.

Bentleys Video.

 

We Didn't Expect The Unexpected..

My names Brittany. I found out I was pregnant with Bentley when I was 19 years old. Bentleys dads name would be Chris. We had been together a year and a half when I found out I was pregnant & had recently gotten engaged. We couldnt have been more happier and life was going in the right direction. Everybody thought we would be having a little girl & we jumped to buy baby clothes. We had tons of baby clothes for boys & girls! Both of us had his room painted a light green color. & even though I begged to help paint, I barely got to do any at all! My protein level in some of my test came back a little abnormal, so we started going to the Charlotte Womens Institute for ultrasounds every couple of months. The only thing they found wrong was there was one arterie and one vein in my umbilical cord. They have amazing ultrasounds there! We saw everything from Bentley sucking his toes to him practicing his breathing, I was more than in love with him! We found out also that he was a BOY!! It was such a shocker nobody believed it was a boy when we told them. A couple days before my birthday Chris fell out of love, and we seperated. Life suddenly seemed to be going in the wrong direction. But boy was I wrong. Life was really just getting better. I was alone and 6 months pregnant. I was terrified more than anything. I wondered if I was going to have to do this by myself for the rest of my life. But then I realized if I had to do it alone at least I would have Bentley. December 30, 2010 I met William, the guy that I am now with. I was hesitant at first. Should I be getting into a new relationship at 7 months pregnant? But I took my chances and of course Will is still there and in love with Bentley. In January at 36 weeks pregnant I found out Bentley was breech and that there was only a very slim chance that he would turn. So they set me up to have an external  version. I was hesitant at first because I heard it was painful and has many risks to it. But I gave it a try. At 38 weeks pregnant, Feb. 2, 2011 I had an external version. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. They gave me this medicine that made my heart beat so fast and my adreniline started going. I thought I was going crazy for sure. But after the doctors stopped pushing and tugging on my belly I was relieved of the feeling. Needless to say I went through all that pain and Bentley moved his head from my right side to my left and as soon as the Drs. left him alone he went right back to the right side. I was sore for days and had bruises all over my belly. I was scheduled for a C-Section the following week on February 10,2011. The days before seemed like they were never going to end. But when it got here I was beyond nervous, and excited. At 9:06 a.m. Bentley Dean Carpenter was born weighing in at 7lbs. 1/2oz. and 18 1/2 inches long. When Dr. Herring got to Bentley he had his legs spread open showing his private areas and her statement was, "I can't pull him out by that!" My C-Section went alright, my blood pressure dropped very low, and I was about to be sick until they gave me more medicine. There was alot of pressure while Dr. Herring was delivering him because of his positioning. But when she pulled him out I felt empty. It felt like forever I was laying on that operating table before I got to hear him cry or even see him. When I heard him cry I couldnt see him, but I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I knew that was my little boy and for the rest of my life he would love me and I would love him beyond words. My mom was in the operating room with me, and she got to hold Bentley first. When I laid my eyes on him for the first time I was madly and deeply in love. He was held against my cheek for a short minute and took out of the room since it was so cold in there! & I literally mean it was cold beyond words and here I lay half naked with quite a few people looking at me. I was in recovery for an hour and Will sat with me. He told me how gorgeous Bentley was and how everybody was having a fit over him. I couldnt wait to get to hold my baby boy! After being in recovery for an hour I got put in my room. I finally got to hold my baby boy! He was more than what I could ever imagine and more than I ever dreamed he would be. I was on a morphine pump for pain, but I sucked it up and didnt use it but twice out of 24hrs I used a total of 4mg. But the only reason I used that was because my sister accidentally sat me straight up in the bed! I wanted to remember every second of every day with Bentley so thats exactly what I did. The nursery nurse said the pediatrician had decided to come in that night and he wanted to see Bentley. A thousand  thoughts ran through my mind, was my baby okay? Then the Dr. came in and told me that there was a good chance Bentley had Down Syndrome. I didn't really understand what he was saying so I just kept my smile on my face and listened to what he said and enjoyed my new baby! I told Chris later in the afternoon after everything had calmed down and he came and saw Bentley that night. & I told him and his family that came with him about Bentleys possibility of having Down Syndrome. I think he was in love almost as much as I was with Bentley. He even changed his first poopy diaper!! The first night at the hospital was so uncomfortable, I had to get up and sit in a chair because the Drs. wanted me too. So at 11pm I stood up for the first time after my C-Section and it was horrifying! I felt like my insides were going to fall out. I had a cathedar in and these things around my legs so I wouldnt get blood clots. Thank God early the next morning they took the cathedar out and I promised I'd get up and move so they took the things off my legs. I got to take my first shower which felt AMAZING! I breast feed Bentley and he sucked like crazy, he sucked so much and so hard that it hurt. I moved around pretty good and was glad to be on my feet even though it was harder than I wanted to show. Me and Bentley were going to get to go home February 12, 2011 but come to find out he had jaundice so they put him under the bili-lights. He looked like he was getting his tan on! That night all Bentley wanted to do was nurse. I was so wore out the next day. But we got to go home. I dressed Bentley up in a pink button down shirt and some khaki pants, and his little white shoes Chris had gotten him. And home we went. My room was packed with stuff from the hospital and I was over whelmed with everything not to mention so tired I could barely hold my eyes open. Bentley went to the Dr. for the first time Febraury 15, 2011 for his first weight check. He sees Dr. Cerjan at the Childrens Clinic. He didnt have the test results back yet for the Down Syndrome so we were just playing the waiting game. But he said he thought they would be in later that day. About 6pm I got a call from the Childrens Clinic and it was Dr. Cerjan. He said he was calling to confirm that Bentley did have Down Syndrome. I was standing outside on the porch when he told me and I started crying. I thought that my perfect baby suddenly wasnt so perfect anymore. About that time Will pulled up and asked me what was wrong and I told him. I was crying so hard he couldn't understand what I was saying. We went in the house and I broke down. & I told my mom. My dad was at work and she called him and he talked to me. He said this man thats a preacher has down syndrome and the guy said people say i'm not normal but whats the true meaning of normal? Is anybody normal. Needless to say I cried for a long time that night and the days that followed. I met with Dr. Cerjan the next day and Will, my mom, Chris mom, and Chris sister went along with me. He explained what Downs was and how most the time Downs babies get it from the mother, I was horrified. Had I done this to Bentley? I told Chris Bentley had Downs, and he didn't talk to me after that, I dont know if it was denial or what. I wondered why our baby wasn't good enough for him? I went to the Levine Childrens Hospital today with Bentley and Chris met us up there. Bentleys down syndrome just occured on its on, it didnt come from me, and it didnt come from Chris. I realized Bentley is my perfect child, no matter what he looks like, how he acts, or how he talks. He is my perfect baby and always will be. I love him beyond words, and I truely know what a mothers love is all because of him.