Down Syndrome Creed

My face may be different but my feelings the same. I laugh and I cry and take pride in my gains. I was sent here among you to teach and to love as God in the heavens looks down from above. To Him I'm no different, His love knows no bounds. It's those here among you in cities and towns that judge me by standards that man has imparted, but this family I've chosen will help me get started. For I'm one of the children so special and few that came here to learn the same lesson as you. That love is acceptance, it must come from the heart; we all have the same purpose, though not the same start. The Lord gave me life to live and embrace, and I'll do it as you do but at my own pace.

 

My little man is now a little over 5 Months!! He has now accomplished rolling over! I am one proud mama of course! Bentley went to the Doctor last week and got his 5 month shots, which of course didn't go well & he cried his little heart out once again. 

Every morning I roll over and look at Bentley, & I always get that same handsome smile, & I wonder how I was so blessed with this handsome little boy?! & gibber gabbering is all he does!

I know this has been a little update but I will definitely be back later to finish updating & put up more pictures!

I'm not lucky; I'm BLESSED; YES!!

I know, I know....

Its been awhile since I've updated but here I am now updating this so its all good right?

So for awhile now its been Bentley & Me. It seems like its been for the best! I haven't been as stressed out, and I've spent alot more mommy and baby time with my little man! I haven't felt like I owe somebody anything, I don't anybody an explanation of why I can't do this or why I can't do that--because my little man comes first and foremost before myself or anybody else. Companionship would be great to have, and have somebody that would listen when I need someone to talk to, or when I want to just cry, just have a shoulder to cry on. But thats something I have no control over, and so I'll wait for somebody to sweep me off my feet!

Bentley and I did spend some time with his biological father, but of course everything came back down to the same thing, he had other things he would be doing than spending time with his son or me. So the way I see it thats fine, I tried, and he will be the one to regret it.  Its crazy how much they look alike. I see the joy in Bentley when he's with Chris but I can't control how Chris acts about him.

See there really did use to be a time when he got excited about Bentley and couldnt wait for him to get here, but time changes everything.

Bentley seems to be getting longer and longer, but I'm starting to wonder when he will actually start gaining weight, my little man can still wear newborn  clothes at almost 5 months old. But Bentley eats like a totally hog! I've figured out his favorite foods are apples, peaches, bananas, and squash!

Bentley loves to babble, and he babbles about anything and everything. He loves to be talked to, to watch T.V. and anything that moves he'll watch. He is doing great in play therapy and even trys to crawl now!

Well thats all for now, I have so much more I could go on and on about with Bentley but of course my little man is awake and hungry! So when Bentley calls mommy of course comes to his beckon call!

Until Next time,

I'm not Lucky; I'm BLESSED--YES!!!

Bentley & His Bells.

It seems as if Bentley is getting bigger and bigger every second! He amazes me everyday! I am one proud mama! He is starting to hold his head up by him self, and My Oh! My! does he love to make noises! If he makes a noise and I repeat him, then its on!! We can go on with each other for at least an hour! He has this mad obsession with bells, anything with bells, or the sound of a bell brings a smile to his face, and oh what a gorgeous big smile my little man has!

I can honestly say, because of Bentley I know what love is. He has changed my life so much its unimaginable. I found out I was pregnant last year a week before Fathers Day that I was pregnant. It wasnt something that I was expecting, I wasnt even trying to have a baby. Last year this time, my life was my life, I was going to do what I wanted. When I wanted, and nobody and I mean NOBODY was going to stop me.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I fell in love. Fell in love with a child I had never laid my eyes on but this child was going to be mine, mine forever. I would love it, and it would love me in return.

I never imagined I could have love for something as much as I have love for Bentley. He is my entire life, he is my world, my life, my entire life revolves around him! The day I had my first ultrasound, and saw that tiny little heart beat I was madly and completely in love.

That sweet little face of his gets me through anything, any hardship, and sickness, and pain. All I have to do is look at this little life and instantly everything is better! He amazes me at everything he is starting to accomplish. The Dr. told me not to expect Bentley to be a Dr., or president, or anything big. But I have hope, and I have Bentley. No matter what Bentley decides to do in life. He will always have his mommy right there beside him all the way!

Until next time, remember,

I'm not lucky--I'm BLESSED; YES!!



Why?

Down Syndrome affect 1 out of 800 babies born. Sometime I wonder why Bentley? I wouldnt change the fact that Bentley has Down Syndrome for anything in this world. But I just cant help but wonder, what did I do to deserve this little boy? This little boy that has taught me more about life in 3 months and 5 days than I've learned in the almost 21 years that I've been alive? Every morning I wake up and see these gorgeous blue eyes and this sweet face looking up at me.

Now that I have Bentley in my life, I cant imagine my world without him. Nor would I want my life to not have him in it. Hes such a sweet and good baby. He loves gibber gabbering now and he loves when I talk back to him. 

Complete strangers have stopped me in the store or I've noticed them glancing back at Bentley. It makes me wonder do they know, somehow do they know that Bentley has Down Syndrome? Are they judgemental of me because I've brought this child into this world that has Down Syndrome? I really do not care what people think of me or Bentley. We have each other and our family and friends that have been there every step of the way!

On Another note Bentley does to the eye doctor on Tues. for his eyes, this is routine for babys with Down Syndrome. So I hope and pray that everything turns out for the best and if God has other plans for Bentley and his eyes then its another part of life that Bentley and I will deal with as it comes along.

I'm Not Lucky--I'm BLESSED!--YES!

Mothers Day & Other Updates..

Bentleys first easter was great, we had dinner with my family and then spent the night with William. The weekend before that we went to an easter egg hunt for children with Down Syndrome. There were quite a few kids with Down Syndrome there, each one special and beautiful in their own different way. I had quite a few people say to me, "It took us awhile to take our child out and get involved." But the way I see it is. Bentley has Down Syndrome, theres no cure for it, hes always going to be Bentley and I'm not ashamed. Heres some pictures from Bentleys first easter.

On Friday, 5/6/2011 Bentley went back for his 3 month well check up. He is now 23 inches long & 11 pounds 2 ounces. Dr. Cerjan Bentleys doctor said he was small on the normal chart, that if I wanted him to he could chart Bentley on the Down Syndrome Chart. But I sit and wonder, whats the big deal if hes charted on the regular chart or the DS chart? Can't things be simple for just once, just one time please? Cant I just leave him on the normal chart? Whats normal? What the definition of normal somebody please tell me, is anybody on earth truely normal? I dont think so, we all have our flaws no matter what they are. Bentley got 2 shots and had to take a medicine by mouth. Everytime he gets shots it just breaks my heart, and the look that he gets on his face and the way that he crys and the crocodile tears makes me want to cry and punch the nurse that gave the shot in the face.

Today was my very first Mothers Day! I didn't need any gifts, because I have Bentley. I will always have Bentley and I truely could not want anything more than him. I never imagined being able to give one little boy so much love. I could never imagine loving anything more than I do him. Awhile back I was in the Drs. office waiting for my checkup not long after I had Bentley, and Dr. Herring came in and apologized for being late but she had to do an emergency DNC. I thought alot after that. Here I am just blessed with a little boy, yes a little boy with Down Syndrome and I thought it was the most horrible thing that Bentley had DS. But here was a woman, a family, losing a child. I have no idea who the woman was and never will, but my heart broke for her. It made me realize yes Bentley has Down Syndrome, but hes alive, so far everything with him has checked out great, so once again, I've been truely blessed.

Mommy Loves You Bentley Dean Carpenter!!

This is the face that I woke up to on Mothers Day, the face that kept me smiling all day long!!



Finally...Some Relief!

Bentley had to go to the heart Dr. last week since he has Down Syndrome the Drs. said that 40% of children with DS have a heart condition or problem. Well his blood pressure was good, his EKG was good. They weighed him and my little man weighed 9lbs 10oz. and is almost 24 inches long!! He peed all over the nurse while he was getting weighed and then peed and pooped all over the table when I was putting his diaper back on. The Dr. came in and listened to his heart and he said he didn't hear anything wrong, and that his EKG looked great. But he said you never can tell until you actually look at the heart, so they did an ultrasound of his heart! He was being so funny by this time and the ultrasound technician couldnt keep him from coming unswaddled and getting the ultrasound gel all over him! But his heart was great they said! So my little man is free of heart problems! The Dr. said that it is very unlikely that he could have any heart problems in the future. The only thing he had wrong was one of his main blood vessels for his right arm is attatched to the wrong spot on his heart but he said that its not uncommon for that to happen and that its fine like that & that it doesnt cause any problems. :) Like I always say, "I'm not Lucky; I'm Blessed--YESS!"

Wordless Wednesday :)

Sorry Its Been Awhile...

Sorry its been so long since i've updated. Bentleys early interventionist came Friday. Bentleys exactly a month and a half old and on a month olds level. They said that he needs to work on his head movements. Oh...also we found out that Bentley is in love with the bell that they ring for him to try and find :) So i'm in the process of hunting him one.

Bentley had a stomach bug last week so Dr. Cerjan gave him soy milk and Bentley loved it!! But I had to take him back off of it cause hes constipated...poor baby :(

William & I spent the weekend together and we found Bentley his easter outfit & now we have to find his little dress shoes which is hard for a baby that wears a 0. His outfit is sooo cute! I'm going to have his pictures taken for Easter & I can't wait. Oh & he weighs 9lbs now & is 21 inches long. My baby is growing up so fast!! It seems like just yesterday he was born. Well I guess for now I'll go, little man is sleeping and I have to sleep when he does :)

heres a picture from when we were still in the hospital

3/21 World Down Syndrome Day

I remember when I was younger seeing people with Down Syndrome. Never would I have thought that my little boy would have it. I never really knew a whole lot about it but I am learning more and more.

I'm not ashamed to say that Bentley has Down Syndrome. I realize he is just like everybody else!

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!!

My Heart, My Soul, My Life!!

<3

I'm not lucky; I'm Blessed--YES!!

Sorry its been a few days since I've updated!!

Bentley has been having a big change in his sleep patterns for a few days, one day he was awake all day and hardly slept at all. The next day he was fussy and would sleep a few mins and wake up. But today hes slept all most all day. Hes also been smiling a lot more! I realize Friday night that I am blessed beyond words. With a gorgeous new baby boy, and an amazing boyfriend thats stood by me for the past few months even though there was so many emotions, drama, and ups and downs!! My sisters took some new pictures of Bentley! And I am so excited. I'm finally starting to get a little bit of help from the government and can buy Bentley things myself!! I can't wait for Easter this year!!

Mommys Little Man

3/18/2011

Mommys Little Man...

Today has been a long day. Bentley had a shot yesterday at the Dr. and has been fussy all day. We went and saw his Aunt Dana and his cousin Haidyn. Bentleys snoozing now, so I have a little bit of time to blog.

My heart breaks for Bentley, and it hurts so bad. I know he has Down Syndrome. Sometimes I believe it, and sometimes I don't. Its like sometimes it hits me and sometimes I'm just like no way, not Bentley. I have no idea what he will go through in life, but I'll make it as good for him as I possibly can. I'm scared that one day Bentley will get made fun of, which I know with the world being as cruel as it is, it will happen. People just don't take the time to find out who a person is outside of their looks. Bentley is gorgeous inside and out and I know he will stay that way. People really don't know how to act when you tell them your child has Down Syndrome. I had to take him to the emergency 2 weeks ago, and the nurse asks me if he had any medical problems? I told her he has Down Syndrome and she said your lying. I said no, he has Down Syndrome. And she just refused to believe me pretty much. She said your too young, he doesn't look like he has Down Syndrome. It hurt my feelings none the less, to make it seem like I would make up that he has D.S.. Its crazy how one little thing in your childs body can cause so many different things, and hurt them so much both physically and emotionally. I didn't ask for Bentley to be born with Down Syndrome. It was a complete and utter shock to me.

I read where more and more babies are being born with Down Syndrome, but almost 70% of them are terminated when the mother finds out while she is pregnant. I mean really?? How could you abort your own child...period. I look at Bentley and wonder how somebody could not love their own child, how they couldn't want them. I also heard Down Syndrome referred to as a disease. No its not a disease its a Genetic Disorder. Something no one has control over.

I think everything with Bentley has made me get more in touch with my religious side. I've been thinking about going to church, I'm just not sure where. I don't want to have to answer questions. I'm not ashamed of Bentley in any way. He's my pride and joy and has my whole heart and all my love.

Its A Shame You Don't Know What Your Running From...

This is more of a personal issue, but I have to get it off my chest and out of my mind. Bentleys biological father Chris, really makes me think. And I mean think hard to the point of tears. We have done our fair share of talking crap about each other but once I had Bentley I just wondered why I was wasting my time. He saw Bentley everyday while we were in the hospital and I wondered if he was actually going to be there like he claimed after he left me. (He stopped checking on Bentley after we seperated.) I saw the look on his face the first time he looked at Bentley and he said Oh my God in this low voice. I mean look at the picture about of the first time he held him And I'm sure Bentley took his breathe away, and knowing Chris he probably had a few tears he doesn't tell anyone about. (You know guys won't admit they cried.) I have given him chance after chance after chance to see Bentley, to spend time with him, but its like he doesn't want too. But I wonder does he want to and somebody is stopping him?!?! I would love to know if that was the case because trust and believe me and this person would have a few words to exchange. Like he says hes tired of kissing my butt, okay. Well I don't want you kissing my butt, you treat me how you want to, all I want is Bentley to know who he is. Is that really too much to ask? IS IT?!?!  When the Dr. told me and Chris I was pregnant, Chris told the Dr. he made him the happiest guy in the world. What happened to being happy about Bentley?! On another note, he recently found out his new girlfriend/fiance whatever they like to call each other is pregnant. She got pregnant before Bentley was born. It makes me wonder why Bentley wasn't even in this world and he just wasn't good enough for his father, already?! Why? How do I explain to Bentley that he just wasn't good enough for Chris. My heart dreads the day I have to explain to Bentley the situation or try to at least. Some people would kill to have a baby, and my heart hurts for them. & then theres people that have them and don't care. I wonder if Chris will ever step up and not just one day out of the month. Bentley doesn't need a come and goer. I just wonder what runs through his mind. We use to be able to tell each other everything, now I get nothing, I think Bentley at least deserves answers. He seems so happy around Bentley and he acts like he wants to be there, but what is in the way of it? Like I've told him, when nobody else is there for you, and when it seems like nobody loves you, Bentley does and he'll be there, and if he gave Bentley the chance, he'd know true happiness, and true love that not going to come and go. & that doesn't come from a girl that won't let you have nothing to do with your son and is jealous of him. Actions speak louder than words. Oh well today, I'm washing my hand of him.

On another note, William is great with Bentley and would do anything for him and has proved that, multiple times. Will was there my whole hospital stay, helped with Bentley and it seems great to have him as a Daddy for Bentley. At first I was iffy about calling Will, Daddy to Bentley, but either way, one day Bentley is going to know who was there for him since the day he entered this world. & Thats Been William. William is Bentleys Daddy &hearts; any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy. & I thank God for him everyday that he gives me with Will and Bentley. <3

Bentleys One Month Well Checkup

Today started off pretty good. I woke up early this morning and just layed there and watched Bentley sleep. He looks so peaceful when he is asleep. I wish I could sleep like that. And he sleeps through almost anything. Most new moms would love it when their new baby gives them a little break and goes to sleep. But I love, seeing Bentley awake. I love looking into his big beautiful eyes knowing, that for as long as God allows me, I'll be looking into Bentleys eyes, which I like to think will be forever. He just has a little twinkle in them & their so big I could get lost in them forever. Bentley started early intervention this morning, even though we just did paper work today, the lady was extremely nice and I can't wait to see how much progress he will make when he gets started.

Bentley also had a Drs. appointment for his one month well checkup. Yes!! A month, it seems like yesterday, I was in the hospital with my new little bundle of joy. He weighed 8lb 8oz. today and was 20 3/4 inches long! He is getting so big!! Well in my eyes anyways. Dr. Cerjan said he is a little small for his age, but it will be okay. We'll just watch him and see how he progresses. He also got his 2nd vaccine for heppatitis b. And it completely broke my heart! At first he was laying there being the happy little baby that he is & then the nurse sticks the shot in his leg he looks at me and lets out this unimaginable screams, turns blood red, and held his breath, and then cried. Cried like I had never hear him cry before. I just held him and rocked him until he stopped. And those little crocodile tears that he has, just makes it worse!

I love him more than I ever thought possible and I know that will never change. I love it when he look at me and grabs hold of my finger, it just makes my heart melt. Hes even started to grin a little bit and what a cute little grin it is!! Mommy loves you Bentley Dean!!

Now Bentley is just snoozing away, & I'm pretty sure he'll sleep good tonite cause he has had a long day.

I'll leave you guys with this poem that I was given about down syndrome.

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” ” Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely hings …about Holland.